...deep in thought...future wise....
April 20, 2004|| † ||0:12
And here I am once more...after enough persuasion from my cat. *chuckle* True, I don't write in here much....but I never really kept a journal, so it gets tedious to get used to this. But it feels good to pour your mind out sometimes...especially when you know someone will pay attention to it. :P
Anyways...I'm not sure where I should start....there's so many things that are on my mind as of late...like my future, for example. It's such a hassle to do anything worthwile in your life in this stupid island...if you want to progress, you're better off going people's way around here. *sigh* And that's exactly the problem. As a society, Puerto Rico is too fucking closed-minded. They reject a lot of things, mainly because they don't know them...and they don't even give them a chance. They'd rather spray the juices out of you like an orange before they give you what you're been busting your ass for...I speak from experience...having to eat shit for about 4 years to be able to do something with my life. I'm turning 21 this year...and I'm still at square one. *sigh* What I look for I won't find it here, I've come to the conlclusion....this place opresses the open mind too fucking much...I want to be a writer, I want to be a game designer, I want to be ME...I want to be able to use my intellect and my imagination in my day job, and earn money from it, damn it. Maybe this is but a dream...but I'd like to be able to raise my family out of the passion I have as a creator...I love to design stories, words, characters...it would make me a proud man indeed to sit back one day and say "Wow...I'm doing what I love....and I'm living off it." I'd like to be remembered for my work someday....I wonder if anything I ever do will mean something to a total stranger as if to inspire him/her to do their own thing....build their own legacy as well.
But achieving that goal is a hard task indeed...especially when there are things that hinder that progress. Education is what's holding me back, but it's something I am still working on...as I said, what I look for ain't here...I'll have to go to the states to study on the fields I aim to. If that was my only goal...I wouldn't be so stressed...but it isn't. Something else that ticks away at my brain is how do I get to Sin...how do I get enough money in the time I need to marry my Jane? THAT is the source of all my thinking...I want to be able to stay with her indefinitely...and soon. I love her beyond anything...and I want us to get married. But I don;t want to "pressurize" things...I want them to come out right...but I don't want too much time to pass before that can happen.
I'm sick of throwing bags around, being left alone working flights, having to do everything that my inept co-workers won't do...I'm sick of the airlines. If only I could land a good job a a operations agent or dispatcher I'd be happier than shit...I'd still stay there. But if not then that business ain't for me...I want to do something on my own. *sigh* My mind is one big clusterfuck right now in this subject....I'm surprised I got to explain all I did just now...*chuckle*
Another thing is I'm starting to change, definitely...I'm more tired lately, been sleeping earlier, etc...it's like my body's in constant low-batt mode. But with good reason....these past 5 months have been quite hellacious...not that much sleep mixed with a lot of hard physical labor...and a lot of mental strain. Tranquil times are yet to come, and I gladly welcome them...in the upcoming weeks I should be doing some excercises to tone some areas of my body too...my back's beginning to feel sore. Mainly because of the bags though....but still. I need to be stronger...meanwhile I've got the youth.
This very same week I should update....if my mind feels any different at some time...until then, as I said today...
"Dark clouds come, and it begins to rain...it is indeed a good day."