Wanna see what's in my heart? Here's the key...
July 22nd, 2005|| † ||14:16
My updates seem to be getting more and more vague, don't they...? Hmm...it happens when you have no fucking internet and very little time with whatever access you get to it. But now...I got some time to spare, even though I'm at work...and I need to let out some grief.
Being in love...to me, is the greatest feeling in the world....next to the feeling of pride and satisfaction of achieveing something you reach out to get. But it falls out, leaving a scar when you don't have it anymore; pretty much like anything else...the only difference is that it hurts TENFOLD...and the only way you can nurture the wound is picking on it, not firgetting about it...you need to bleed it out so all the infection comes out...so all the bad cells are out of the system. And then, it heals...new skin grows over it...over time. Time heals, not "forgetting".
I have a lot of things to say...yet I don't know where to start. I don't know how to say any of them. Too many words, too many feelings running through my brain at once...not enough time to process them all. But all these thoughts and words are for you...I love you so much it makes me nervous. Sometimes I stay quiet thinking what to say to you, hoping I can make laugh and/or smile. Hoping I can say something that could soothe you in the same way hearing your voice does it for me...
...I think of you a lot. You're always on my mind. And even though you're far away, you are the only one I want to be with...you're only one I want to call "my woman"...you are everything to me. All I've ever wanted, wished for, and coveted...you draw the best poetry in me, and the best feelings I can produce. But perhaps I shouldn't say more...for your sake, rather than mine. I'm not sad about anything...I have a lot to look forward to. I know what I want...always have...and I'm going for it. One thing at a time, though...until I finally get you, in the end.
This confession goes out to a very special person...you know who you are...I will make you proud of me...I've said it before and I'll say it again...until I can finally achieve it...†
...I love you. Forever.